The Attention Whore
Recently, I heard a sermon talking about becoming the person God intended you to be. Focusing more on your strengths and not your weaknesses. Basically, don’t spend your time trying to be someone you’re not. The sermon spoke to me because I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to turn my weaknesses into strengths; never focusing on making my strengths even stronger. It made sense. The sermon was simple, but the idea spoke to me. As I dug deeper into my head, I realized it went deeper than where my thoughts and desires were. I’ve always liked to believe that in some way, I had MY head screwed on straight, and most everyone else were the screwed up ones. That I wasn’t a pessimist, I was an optimist. That I wasn’t a narcissist, I was humble. And while I’ve always known I wasn’t a wallflower, I always wanted to be. However, as I dug deep, I realized all of that was completely inaccurate. I am in fact, a pessimist, a narcissist, and a total attention whore; just sucking up all of the ooh’s and ahh’s I can get like a hurricane in my head, growing bigger & bigger. It’s been a terrible realization for me. Because, I really don’t like attention whores. This has opened up my eyes to my personal life and how I interact with people. But this realization gave me a brand new set of eyes when it comes to the photographer in me, or as some know me on Instagram, @rcoleman.
If you’ve spent any time on Instagram, you’ve at some point seen the desperate people out there begging, “Follow for a follow?” Or some other ridiculous plea for you to pay attention to them. Because as if for some reason, the amount of followers you have has some sort of validation to you as an artist. That basically, if you were to have 100,000 followers, you MUST deserve the attention. That you MUST be great and deserve lots of praise! Or on a smaller level like me, “You’ve got 8,000 followers, Ryan! Damn! You must actually be good at photography. Now, if only you had 10,000 followers.” Then 20, then 30, and so on. Because, again, I need the validation of my peers. Have I whored myself out there begging for attention? No. But, have I blocked and looked down my nose on everyone that has? Like, they are some sort of plague on Instagram that needs to be done away with? Yes. Have I changed my style of photography to better cater to the people of Instagram to get more followers and likes? Yup. Have I changed my style completely because people didn’t respond to the stuff I actually thought was beautiful? Unfortunately, yes. Have I purposefully tried to keep the number of people I follow to a minimum to make it look like I’m somebody important? Indeed I have. Have I checked my profile almost daily to monitor my number of followers? Yes. Do I get upset when I have a picture that doesn’t go to the popular page? Sadly, yes. I get pissed. So what makes me any different than the rest of the narcissistic bastards that I just called a “plague” a minute ago. Nothing. Absolutely nothing makes me any different. So am I a hypocrite? Most definitely. Instagram has been good to me this past year, allowing me to make lots of new friends that have given me inspiration I might never have found before. But it has also become some kind of sickness inside of me allowing my narcissistic side to completely blossom. For me to be completely taken over by this bastard inside.
What is it about this “popular” page? Is it high school all over again? It seems so ridiculous to me to even look at the popular page anymore. My buddy on Instagram, @nik1406 said, “Looking at the popular page is like an unwelcome insight into the delusional aspirations of a league of messianic teenagers with Bieber tastes and Kardashian dreams.” Seriously. What is happening here? Does this popular page even mean anything? Getting the praise of being popular shouldn’t mean so much. It really shouldn’t. Awhile back I remember finding someone on Instagram that didn’t have many followers, but had a wonderfully creative style to their photography. After only a few weeks she started posting captions with her photos stating how unhappy she was that none of her photos were going popular. Fast forward a week and she started posting the regrettable “cleavage” shots. She even stated how disappointed she was that it had come to this. She still randomly posts her photography, but every other image is a self-portrait now. It was sad to me to say the least. I say all of that to draw the connection between her and myself. There isn’t much of a difference between her & I. We both changed our art to better suit the audience of Instagram.
I hope you don’t think less of me for being honest, but I would think it would only make sense if you did. So what do I do now that I have these new eyes? I don’t know. But at least I’m aware of the issue at hand. I’m sure I’ll re-approach things when I come back to Instagram. If you’re reading this, and you’re like me, I hope my words will encourage you. Do yourself a favor and don’t fall into the trap of narcissism and become an attention whore like me. Just have fun. I think it’s what Instagram was created for. ;)
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Cheers, Ryan (with a crappy cuppa joe)!
You doggin’ on my 7-11 coffee?!
well said, respect.
Thanks a lot.
Nothing I can say here, except AMEN TO THAT! Props to you for your honesty & openness. We can all take something from this post, no matter what our own approach may be.
Thanks bro! Truly appreciate it.
Interesting.. and big of you to admit it. I’m quite the opposite of you.. I haven’t changed my style because to do it would mean catering to the masses on IG and look who they are and what they post. Daily I delete about 5-10 of my serial and ghost followers. They are useless.. what really means anything is how many likes and comments my
Photo gets.. and that’s without being popular anymore because apparently I need half as many likes to get to popular than someone with 5/7 times the followers. Makes no sense and it’s one reason the same people are there all the time. I think it would be a good experience for you to post to Flickr and 500.. There you will see how more difficult it is to make contacts etc.. without real networking.. I’m not diminishing IG as I enjoy the social aspect.. But it does
Put it in its place .
I have only increased respect for you with this post. Thank you for your openness & honesty – with yourself & well as the rest of us.
Well bravo to you my friend! Bravo indeed. And can I just say that I LOVE that this was posted on my birthday because it represents what I’m about in so many ways. You see, I had the “privilege” of being a “popular” girl at a young age. But more importantly, I learned the lesson of what bullshit it all was before I even left high school. No one really knew me, the struggles I endured in private, the disgust I felt for somehow earning the adoration of some jerk who made fun of the loner nerd in the corner. Yes I would love it if more people followed me for my photography, my vision, my unique perspective on life, my quirky self and my raunchy humor. But I understand that being different, that pleasing myself, means not pleasing the masses. And I’ll be damned if I’m going to change who I am to make that happen. I’m thankful for every person who sticks around for me. Honestly, I follow some people who I don’t even think are that good of a photographer, but I really like them as a human being. And I’ll unfollow a great photographer because they can’t be bothered to respond to a question or a comment, much less ever stop by my feed for a gander. Superiority complexes I do not do. And since we’re getting it all out there, I’m not so sure I’m a fan of ANY of these IG coalitions either. Sorry. But I like you Ryan. And BP. And a few others because I recognize heart and soul when I see it. Good on you brotha. I hope this stirs things up! IG was needing a jolt the way I saw it. Peace.
Thank you, Ryan. Somebody had to say it.
I also remember the highschool days when the unpopular kids had their own flare going–all emo’d & punkish. Let’s download old Greenday albums & change our profile pics to b&w and have an anti-popular protest.
Or at least, not sell out to get on the page.
What a great piece. Thanks for your honesty & openness. I was scared off Instagram for a while and am just thinking about giving it another go. I think we all do a lot of what you’ve described, on Twitter as well, using the easy superficiality to change the way we act.
Hey Ryan,
Well done. Most folks probably never notice theses things. Stay true to yourself. Come back with some photos soon though!
Had a guilty giggle while reading some of this!! You & your honesty are breath of fresh air !! Kudos to you mister, thank you for being you!!!
I love the honesty. Much, much respect for that. For reals.
Excellent Post. Much respect.
Thank you for speaking truth, my friend. This really hits home for me and I am very much encouraged by your honesty. It saddens me to think about how many of the decisions in my life were made in order to gain validation and recognition from others. Social media has catered to the insecure and self-doubting side of me. The side that is completely dependent on what others think, and can no longer recognize it’s own worth apart from them. So, thank you. Thank you for the reminding me that I need only to be who I was created to be, and that I would never want to be anything different.
Adore this post!!! Love your honesty. Those self realizations are hard to recognize and even harder to swallow!!! But do please remember you are made with a purpose those flaws you mentioned may not be flaws at all.
when I stepped away from IG for so long it made it easy to disconnect from the popular page an the thousands of followers. When I came back I had mykel run a program that got rid of my dead followers. That 5000 I was so proud of? Was actually closer to 2000! This time around I refuse to pressure myself to be “good” and am just going to focus on relationships. That’s the rewarding part in the end. The friends you walk away with. Anyway friend. I ramble. I adore your heart, your color photos, and your bws. Its you i look at really. Not the photos.
I applaud you for your honesty and deep self awareness. In the end, I believe those are the qualities that really shine through in your photographs.
I think you highlight a really critical question here though, about Instagram itself that desperately needs to be considered. “Is Instagram’s primary purpose to reward popularity or to foster the art of photography?” I passionately want it to be the latter, but it’s obvious that the majority of IGers would disagree.
If it is indeed true, then all who believe in the latter must answer some difficult questions:
• Does Instagram really give us what we NEED (not necessarily what we want)?
• How can we make IG a “place” that fosters the art of photography and supports photographers?
• Or should we look elsewhere to find that place?
Personally I’m sticking with IG for a little longer. I too must admit that I’m guilty of looking at my number of followers and wanting that number to be bigger. I often shake my head in utter disbelief because I’ve seen a photograph I believe is of highly dubious quality with over 900 likes! I’m also guilty of keeping my number of followers low, maybe in part to look important, but mostly because I want to really pay attention to the feeds of everyone I follow. If I followed even 400 people, I don’t think I’d be able to look at half of the photos they posted!
I’m also stubborn. I only want more followers if it’s due to my talent as a photographer. I may tweak or adjust my style, but only in response to people I value as good photographers. We should also remember that these issues raised by Rob aren’t new. Artists have always had to deal with these dilemmas.
That being said, I have to confess that I’ve actually been viewing IG as an experiment. I’m not a naturally outgoing person and I’ve certainly never been seen as popular. I struggle with social media the same way I struggle in social situations in real life. I decided to try and “play this game” and see if I could become recognized and appreciated in this community. What I’ve found is that just like in real life, if I let relationships form naturally over time, wonderful things will happen.
I may have only 300 followers (more like 50-100 real followers, if I’m lucky). This is after 1 year of activity posting 600 photos, participating in challenges, and commenting a lot on other people’s photos—but I don’t care. I’m still happy. Even if it’s only 50 people that really follow my photographs, that’s great! It’s 50 more people than before IG! It’s also 600 more photographs posted someplace in the world where others can see them. How can I comlain about that?
So yes, I’m sticking with IG because I’ve met some wonderful people that are genuinely caring and supportive and built some new relationships. IG is also an endless source of wonderful and breathtaking photography that inspires me and fills me with creativity—every day! I haven’t felt such a drive to create art since I graduated from art school! (And that was about 20 year ago!)
I would like to challenge everyone like me to stop complaining about what IG has become and start doing something about it! (To be fair, I think this has already begun with the creation of groups like Juxt and AMPt, but as always, much more can be done.)
Let me put this question to you:
Are you willing to do something about it? Are you willing to tackle the root of the problem—popularity vs. photography?
(If the answer is yes, let me know. I have some ideas, but they’ll have to wait until another time.) ????
Okay, okay, geez, I’ll follow you! ha ha.
I’ve been using Instagram as an outlet for just one of a dozen creative projects I’m doing. It’s not the first place I go everyday, or something I even think about much. I think if you remember that Instagram is a tool, and not a “system” you can better focus on the work you’re making for it. The social aspect is great for sharing images and seeing what artists around the world are doing, but in the end, what you put up should be something consistent, something you want to make, and something you don’t mind if people happen to see.
But that’s just the advice of one Instagramer with one project, and one follower. ha ha.
Nice post.
Thanks for being willing to admit publicly things that most of us aren’t willing to admit even to ourselves. Really. I appreciate your raw honesty.
Have you ever heard Donald Miller talk about the whole life boat theory? What you said took me back to that. I forget what book it’s in, but he brings up that age old problem kids have to work through as a group project in school. You know, the one where a boat crashes and there are only enough life boats to save some of the people. The group is given a description of each person on board – their background, age, skills, even religious beliefs – and they have to decide who is worth saving… and who isn’t.
D-Millz says it’s like we’re doing this in real life all the time — trying to prove to everyone else why we belong in the proverbial life boat. And possibly asking that as a question, hoping others will tell us we are worthy. [Oh D-Millz, you've said so many smart things.]
I know I find myself doing that, wanting to prove to others that I’m worth it. Or even begging others to see it. Or maybe even hoping I’ll see it myself. And even when I know I’m doing it, it’s hard to stop.
And so IG became a breeding ground for a whole lotta garbage. I feel like that’s happened in a lot of fields – music, graphic design, blogging, and every other genre and subgenre and iteration. These things start as a project with invested people who are a part of it for the creativity, expression and community. And then people realize it’s a place where they can get attention and get noticed, and it turns into a big ball of people searching for people to tell them they’re ok.
Remember, there are still those who do IG for the right reasons and really enjoy it [save our moments of attention whoredom]. The ones who are in it to be creative and share their creativity, and to be inspired by others’, and hopefully encourage each other along the way.
That was a whole lot of me rambling and quoting D-Millz… but all that to say: you are not alone. And your words were encouraging. I’ve had quite the pondering session thinking about who I am and who made me and what that means. So… thanks.
BUT… the biggest question I have from your whole blog is: where are these photos that you call beautiful?? I want to see them! If you don’t post them, then we all just have to have a show-n-tell… huddled around the laptop on the floor eating chili dogs, of course.
Ryan – You are a gem. To be able to look at yourself and say hard things is a noble quality. I think I like YOU – the you I see beyond the style – that you show in your photos. Because it’s clear to see that you value beauty and truth. That you’re kind and thoughtful.
As for IG, I don’t know that it has to be one thing or another. There are people there who are creating beauty. There are people who are showing us the beauty in their everyday lives. Those are the people I know. There are teens who are doing other stuff. I don’t know them. I don’t even notice them. And they don’t notice me. I see what I chose to see.
If you find another place to go that serves your creativity better, I hope you’ll let me know. Your view makes my life richer.
i need to follow you. even more now.
My turn to add to the conversation.
First of all, kudos for being raw and honest about this… something that I think millions would rather not do. My hat is off to you sir.
I think at some level we are all looking for validation and attention of some kind from people, and many times it comes electronically, be it through Instagram, Facebook, Twitter or (insert any social media). –side note… if you really think about it, much of social media is built around narcissism and people’s longing for value, attention and affirmation… but that can be saved for another conversation–
I wouldn’t say I’ve changed my style, but I would say that I have taken cues and been influenced by several of the people I follow on IG. I find this to be more constructive and helps me to experiment.
You mentioned about the girl who didn’t have many followers and eventually caved. This is something I get particularly peeved about. I contacted one such girl on KIK and found out that she had her original page with next to no followers and wanted to experiment if she showed herself. Needless to say she wound up with hundred more followers and only a handful of pictures. It’s sad.
In any case… here’s to having fun and being original! Keep it up, and thanks again for sharing.
A great honest post. You probably said what a lot of people are too afraid to admit publicly.
I have felt a little disheartened with IG of late, for my own reasons. I am now focusing now on two things; my own creativity and finding new creative people too. Its very rewarding.
Also, IG isn’t the be all and end all of social networking for photography. There are other great platforms out there. I use Eyeem also and its all about the art there for me rather than no of followers, likes and being popular
Hope to see more of your photos soon!
Ryan -
Thank you for saying something a lot of people wouldn’t. I have just entered the IG world and I was starting to fall into the “number category” — I use to go to the popular page and see people with thousands of followers and so many likes and think the same as you. “Wow they MUST be THE ‘Bees Knees” – I thought how can I do that – but when my daughter was looking at the IG with me one day she said “How are those photos popular when its just words – and making faces at the rest” (referring to a tweegram or what ever the hell they are called!) it was them I realized who gives a Sh** about that page and who gives a shit about the numbers period! I’d rather have 30 people who interact with me and I with them than 10,000 with no interactions! I come to IG to share MY art and if I happen to get someone who appreciates it then that makes it all better.
I know where you are coming from – it is simple to get wrapped into it but the important thing Ryan is you caught it and have reflected on it. That makes a strong person, one who can reflect on themselves and learn from it to be able to progress forward. I followed you on IG because you were not only great photographers but I loved your sense of humor! Black and white photography is my favorite yet I have a hell of a time with it.
Thank you for opening up to us…. I respect that a lot and I hope you come back soon to IG – but when you’re ready and for your own reasons!
You rock Ryan and thanks
Good luck with it, bro! I feel the same way about many things you mentioned. Props to you for recognizing it. IG has really gone downhill. Hence my departure. Keep in touch!
Totally agree, thanks for expressing this feeling. I think with the “like” and “follow” features IG lends itself to an unhealthy tendency that many of us have to gauge our self-worth or the artistic merit of a picture in terms of these statistics. It isnt just IG that can be so reductive – in the absence of physical connection with friends, a paucity of likes and comments on a post can feel very invalidating. So best to remember to spend time nurturing your relationships in the real world.
It can be hard to just enjoy the process of taking pictures and editing them when you fall into the trap of believing the likes reflect their objective value. As you point out, there is nothing objective about it. Thanks for the reminder.
*Insert Jedi quote here, I’m all out*. Ah man, it’s all true and you’re not alone. Run @mykel ‘s exorcist programme and you’ll feel better – it DID take me 3 days to come to terms that I was going to lose like 1700 followers(‘shit, I don’t care if they ARE ghost followers, they’re my ghost followers, I EARNED them’….twisted shit) I even saw a comment from a guy asking Mykel that if the dude used his programme would he be more likely to end up on the pop page as his follower-to-likes required level would drop, and as Mykel replied – that’s defeating the purpose you fuck wit, you’ll just end up back at the same point! I went from a few hundred followers to a couple of thousand in about 2 months I reckon, and once I got the first pop then they just kept rolling, an before long I had like 30 or 40 in a row and then……bam!! What the fuck? IG must be broke! Why no pop señor? Then you start trying to guess the right times to post, and before you know it, it’s all a bit weird. But for me something funny happended – I was no longer going pop but getting plenty of people who liked most of my shots, and more important than that, lots of people commenting. So I came to terms with it and no it’s not a big deal. Dropping from 3700 off to just over 2000 was a shock, but a good one. Me and IG are still not the best of friends, and I think there’s more than a hint of the dark side(I dunno why I stick with the Star Wars thing man, I told you I’m not even a fan….literally literacy-lazy most probably….man, it’s been a long day. Alright I’ve said my piece, and I don’t normally comment much on blogs or G+’s or even IG – got forth and exorcise my friend and you can be my man whore anyday.
Hi Ryan. First off and apology for only getting round to reading this now. I was aware of your absence from IG but figured work was the reason. I have been feeling very similar recently. Although I am a qualified photographer and take photographs in a professional capacity they do not make me a good photographer. I’ve never sold an image so I don’t actually know if my images outside of work are any good. I do tend to see images from a technical rather than creative point of view so can’t really judge if they are something that someone would want to put on a wall. IG has helped boost my confidence in my images but also given me some kind of false expectation as to how good I am. 6000 followers! Wow I should start selling my stuff …. oh and how about an exhibition….yeh I deserve that….utter nonsense! What I deserve is a reality check and to keep reminding my self that taking picutures outside of work is an escape from the death and destruction that I have to photograph. It’s a hobby, a pastime nothing more!
Ran IG exorcist this week and 3000 inactive followers were banished! Feels better and more realistic. I’m also not gona get hung up on the numbers game any more and I’m posting images I like and enjoyed taking and editing.
Hope to see you back in my feed soon mate
Scott (@socobloke)
Loved the. Log post. Love your photos. I have totally been there with the likes and followers. I lucky pulled myself back fairly quickly. I love photos and I love for people to see them and enjoy them. That kind of blocked me a little. Thanks for being honest. I’m sure it helped those who read it. I laughed at your popular page comments. It’s so ridiculous to see the photos there. Cleavage and sexy pics. High school for sure.
I love finding wonderful artist on IG. That’s why I’m still here. Seeking inspiration from the rest of the world. I even follow people who’s work doesn’t appeal to me so I can broaden my perspective. Showing my appreciation for all the amazing and diverse artist out there. I almost got caught up in getting to the popular page. Even reading articles about it. Now, there’s no pressure. No worries, just art.
Thanks for honest your post. And…I happen to love your work. Peace out.
Wow! Mad respect for you bro! Loved the openness and honestly. It hit home for means I’m sure for a lot of other folks.
I find this post sincere and authentic. But gee… Now I don’t want to boost the narcissist in this space too. So I’ll try to refrain from any praise and just let you know how useful your insight is. Thank you very much!