Finding Identity
For quite some time now I have struggled with trying to find my “identity” in photography. When I say identity, I mean, the style, or the subject(s) that define my style of photography. Being that my style has varied over time, and my subjects rarely stay the same, I found myself getting frustrated that I hadn’t yet found my niche. I mean, how do others seem to find it so effortlessly? There are many photographers that are known strictly for their style. So when you see their picture, you know instantly, exactly who shot it. So why couldn’t I find mine?
When I first started doing mobile photography, I tried to edit my pictures to be unique. I felt that since I was living in Seattle at the time, there was nothing there that was really calling my name. Since I couldn’t find any subjects that I loved to shoot, I decided to just over-edit all of my pictures. I was intrigued with architectural photography though, but Seattle really isn’t known for their architecture. I loved certain NYC street photographers and the shots they could snag of the people walking the streets there, but Seattle rains so much that hardly anyone is ever out just walking the streets. So there went two ideas down the drain. And of course, the pictures of abandonment I’ve tried to shoot. I had been inspired by folks on Instagram to shoot abandoned places, but again, Seattle literally has almost next to no abandoned places. When something goes abandoned in Seattle, it quite easily will be demolished within the week because the real estate is worth so much there. So… Crap. Now what? It had been over a year living in Seattle and I had tried to shoot anything and everything I could, never once finding that “one thing” that could define me as a photographer. So what did I do? I blamed Seattle. It had to be Seattle’s fault that I hadn’t found my “thing” yet. So I moved to Denver. And sure Denver has some cool architecture, and yes, people walk the streets here… But why wasn’t I going crazy and shooting everything I saw? That’s a great question. And it’s been bothering me for quite awhile too.
I looked back on my year with Instagram. I looked at all the different styles and techniques that I’ve used. I looked at my very colorful, “overgrungified” (as one person called it) style I used at the beginning. I went back and looked at all the black and white shots I did; even the shots where I would only use Hipstamatic with black and white film. Then there were the shots where I started posting “real photography” with my DSLR. That turned out to be more of a headache than it was worth though; with people arguing about whether or not a DSLR shot should even be posted. Nonetheless, none of those styles seemed to really capture what it is that I love about photography.
I vented about this one night to my good pal, Mr. Brad Puet. He didn’t seem to be all that empathetic, or even all that sympathetic. I thought maybe he just didn’t understand what I was talking about since he had nailed down his street photography so well. As far as I’m concerned, he is the standard when it comes to street photography. He didn’t have my issue; he had already found his identity. But as I continued to vent, he quickly, and when I say quickly, I mean, QUICKLY responded to me. He stated that the thing that I had always done so well was gave people a history lesson, or even just the story of my shot. He brought up the Nirvana series I had done. He reminded me of the short trips I took all over Seattle (all being paid while on the company clock I should add) finding the Kurt Cobain landmarks. I would shoot them and then do some research on the locations and share them with the people on Instagram. In all honesty, I really did give people a history lesson with that series. Because I know I was learning too. As BP continued to talk about it, I remembered how much I had enjoyed doing that series. It was fun for me to learn about these legendary places. And it was even more fun to write it all out and share these little tidbits of information with other people. After Brad was done talking to me about it, I kind of sat on the couch silent. I realized that Brad had actually just solved my question. I didn’t go to Brad expecting an answer. I was just venting to him. Never did I think that he was going to actually give me the answer I had been looking for. But he did, and I’m incredibly thankful for him and his quick answer. It’s funny, because he acted like he and everyone else had known all along, and I was just the last to find out.
Brad gave me my answer, but now what? In the last couple of weeks I’ve started returning back to my “storytelling” or my “history lesson” as some have called it. And it has been really fun. But not fun enough. I can’t put everything down in Instagram that I want to say. And quite frequently, I just get tired of writing everything on the iPhone’s Notepad. I know I know… I could just type it out and email it to myself, but I don’t, ok? But more specifically, it’s dumb that I can only fit so many words in a comment, and then have to put at the bottom, “(cont’d on next comment)”; because in case you haven’t been able to tell at this point, I can ramble quite a bit when I’m typing. So I thought of an answer. It’s not really all that original because hundreds of thousands of people do it every day. They blog. And so shall I. You see every day on Instagram, people creating series for their shots. Here’s my trip to Mexico, so here’s my shots spread out, 2 a day for the next 3 weeks. Or, here’s an abandoned building, stay tuned tomorrow for what the inside looks like! Oooh! I can’t wait (go ahead; pick up on the sarcasm I was just laying down). I can say that, because I’ve been guilty of doing crap like that. I remember back when people would show you their vacation photos, and you would look for something sharp in the room so you could slit your wrists. Don’t get me wrong, if you want to share your vacation photos, please do so. It’s just funny to me how the attitude towards other people’s vacation photos has changed so much in the last 5-10 years with the invention of social media. I have no intentions of going back to doing things in the way that I, and most everyone else does things on Instagram. I don’t want to be consumed with likes, and followers, and the horrid, ghost followers. I just want to share the experience, not my edit, or my half-assed attempt at “real photography.” I want to approach my photography in a photo-journalistic kind of way. I just want to take the shots as I see fit, and post the majority of my shots with the stories that go with them here at Juxt, not Instagram. I’m not quitting Instagram, I just won’t be posting my stories and history there anymore. So if you’ve enjoyed reading the things that I’ve been writing about randomly over the past year, hopefully you’ll be willing to come over here to continue reading about my interesting adventures. If not, don’t worry, my feelings won’t be hurt.
For me, this was revolutionary finding my “identity.” If you’re reading this, and you’re looking for your identity too; maybe talk to a friend, they may have more insight on you and your style than you think they do.
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After reading all that (on my phone) I am wondering if it’s appropriate to say ‘congratulations’? Happy that you found or re-discovered should I say photography that you feel suits you.
I have recently realised that what is important in my own photography style is what makes me happy and not pleasing anyone else.
Everyone needs good friends (like BP) to remind us of what we sometimes forget!
I look forward to seeing your next ‘history lesson’!
Hahaha! Thanks for the congrats! And thanks so much for the feedback. And you’re right, it’s all about putting a smile on your own face, not everyone else’s.
I ‘m breaking the ice here to let you know i really enjoyed your trilogy so far and as expected I can relate to many of the things you ‘re talking about… This “identity” issue has bothered me for a long time too but I have made peace with the fact that i don’t have one. What pleases me is that I no longer search for the perfect photo opportunity to shoot/post. My feed is my journal, my time alone, my nirvana.
That’s really awesome to hear that. I think photography is supposed to be a little random.
Thanks so much for the feedback and reading my “trilogy.” I hadn’t realized that these 3 posts were even connected until you had said something about “trilogy.” 
Very well said friend. And identity is the hardest thing to come by I think, in photography, but in life also. Thank you for explaining your journey through all of this. I am walking through this journey now with being pregnant and how my life is going to change in 3 weeks (or less) I’m excited you have found freedom
I am excited to see the changes you make while finding your voice. Your fabulous. And My mom adores you 
And your voice. And I’m glad you have a friend like BP
You’re more fabulous, and your mom… Crap. Now you’ve done it! Fine. Tell your Mom that I adore her even more.
i will. definitely.
thank you Ryan
HAHAHAH!!! Thanks a lot Ale.
Hey, great to hear that you have found your “identity”, I was attracted to the stories that u & brad write behind your photos when I first followed the both of u. Living half way round the world, it’s interesting to see how life is through your pictures, but more meaningful to read how it is through your words. Sometimes the pictures may look really plain & simple but after reading the real stories behind them, I just can’t help but click ‘like’. I guess most importantly, u must ENJOY what u do
. To be honest I only read your posts on this JUXT site bcos it’s so much easier to read from instagram, but I’ll try to visit this as much as I can if I know u r posting 
relax, enjoy & God bless u!
You’re a gem, and I appreciate you. For me, I love when people give me the backstory of a photo, so it just seemed natural to me to do something like this. Hopefully I won’t disappoint. I really appreciate you reading me and Brad’s stories, but take a look around here at Juxt, there are some seriously amazing writers here. Thanks again, and God bless you too!
*thumbs up icon* Good stuff Ryan! A picture is worth a thousand words… but words to that picture is a story.
man, what kind of soundtrack can we attach to this post?!?
Thanks bro! That’s exactly how I feel too. And a soundtrack? Probably something by Journey. Let’s go with… “Faithfully!”
A blog sounds perfect for you. Someplace where you can really fully explore your subject both in writing and pictures. I can’t wait to see it.
Thanks Dean! I really appreciate that!
I’ve been thinking on your previous two blogs… More food for though today! But I feel that whenever you listen to your soul and do something about it you are on the rich track already to something more suitable, more comfortable, more interesting… Though I am not sure about that part of finding an absolute, unique and only style that defines you, since that seems a little bit limiting for me. As I read somewhere, we (humans, photographers, artists) do not have only one vision… Our vision and appreciation change under the circumstances, the moods we go through and sometimes even the weather. So, why should we express in merely and solely one way? I suppose that in my case I just try to enjoy the process, wherever I’ll end with a pic is fine with me, as long as I think is fine and makes me happy… Maybe that way you can explain that I don’t have so many followers… But even if I had them, the idea of being worried for them to like everything I do or pleasing them every time wouldn’t let me enjoy what makes me happy about IG, and that is to simply take photographs. I’ll be reading you!
Thanks, and I really appreciate the feedback! I think I’d definitely agree about finding just one suitable art form. Because I’ve found that my mood and the weather affects what I shoot. So, one outlet for my photography? Probably not, but it’s the one that makes me the happiest. Thanks for reading my blogs so far.
I really love this! Thank you so much. I’ve been having the same struggle. I really enjoyed your writing style in telling is about your journey to discovering your style. I will definitely keep reading your posts, and talk to a friend about my photography style. Thanks again!
Awesome! Thanks so much, I really appreciate it.
And let me now what your friend says!
Glad you figured it out – will definitely pop by and read your posts.
I’ve had the same kind of thoughts, am usually just shooting what catches my eye and fast (because most of the time I have my son w me so it’s a bit of a tug o war!). Always thought that I should have a theme or consistent flow but I also do like the element of surprise and variation in my gallery.
Hope Denver is treating you well, Ryan!
You rock, Bridgette.
I dig your feed, and that’s all that matters. 
Denver is being good to us, thanks!
Well said. I feel ya on the not so much caring about posting on instagram part, im at the same point with myself. Trying to find other places…
I’m glad I’m not alone on this one. Let me know what you decide to do.
I am glad you will be posting more on the blog. You writing is very engaging and I always appreciate your honesty about yourself. Thanks for sharing your life with us.
And……we need to hang out soon.
I am so happy to read this Ryan. I am really struggling with this myself and I have yet to find an answer for myself. It is funny because sometimes people do not see themselves as a “Bishop” or “Rook” or even a “Queen” on someones else chess board. (I really hope your familiar with this game or my analogy is OUT the door here) For me when I first interacted you and Brad I seen you two as the above on my chess board and myself as the pawn. LOL I have struggled for a while now with my own identity as a photographer and cannot come to a conclusion…. yet at least.
I am happy to see you off to a blog to spill your ideas and experiment with your photography. I went that direction also a few months back. No-one in IG knows of it and I find it to be a good fit at the moment. Thank you for sharing this article…. it really made me start to think again about my own personal journey!