Colours, The Shire and Dream Weaving

Kael: Colours, The Shire and Dream Weaving

Marco’s Intro

Instagram. A virtual smorgasbord of tantalizing visuals, mind-boggling edits and of course endless shitty ass pics. With over 50 million profiles, it’s easy to get lost in the cosmic dust and barely make a blip on the radar. But the ones who do are well deserving of the attention they garner. These are the mofos with skills. The mofos your monkey ass should definitely know about if you don’t already. I recently had the pleasure of interviewing one of these talented mofos. Her name is Kael and she goes by the handle @punkodelish . Her gallery is mobile photography badassery at it’s finest. I knew I wanted to be the one to pick her brain and find out what’s percolating up there. And so I contacted her via instant messaging app, KiK. What follows is our chat. Pay close attention.You’re about to learn more than a little bit.

 M: Marco K: Kael

M: Good morning.

K: Buenos dias amigo.

M: Soo, you ready to get interviewed?

K: I was ready yesterday.

M: Ahh, well slow your horses there buddy. Lemme get my questions together yo.

K: I’m eating candy. Is it too early?

M: Hell nah. What kind of candy are you eating? By the way, this is on the record now.

K: Gotcha. I’ll mind my words. And I’m eating chocolate covered Jujubes.

M: Chocolate covered Jujubes? What the hell is a Jujubes?

K: What?? Really? They’re the original gummy. All different colours. I like the red and the black best.

M: Ahh. So they’re German candies, right? Gummy bears?

K: German? I’m going to Google that. No, they’re not bears. I think they’re supposed to look like jewels.

M: Well, anyway I never heard of them shits. Ever. In my entire life. But I’ll be on the lookout for them. I’ll ask my local grocer, “What up with some Jujubes yo?”

K: They’re called Juji Fruits by you.

M: Oh. Okay. Now I know what you’re talking about. You should’ve just said that shit in the beginning. I would’ve looked stupid asking for Jujubes.

K: Haha.

M: But anyway, while you’re busy breakfasting on Juji fruits….for those who don’t know of Kael, what part of the globe do you rep?

K: I’m reppin’ the 416. Toronto. Representing for all the gangsters across the world.

M: Word.

K: Don’t put that in.

M: Oh, I’m putting that shit in.

K: No!

M: Yes! And by the way, I thought you’d like to know that I almost ran over a Turkey.

K: A jive turkey?

M: Ha! A live turkey. It might’ve been jive too. Jive ass live turkey. But yo….for all the gangstas and mobile photographers who are dying to know…describe Kael’s perfect photo walk.

K: Perfect photo walk in Toronto?

M: Duh.

K: Well, my favorite thing to do is walk. I walk everyday. All over. But I love going by the ravine near my house. I’m always amazed that such a beautiful place exists in the middle of the city.

M: You’re a walkaholic. Even on rainy days. That’s why that badass umbrella in many of your pics.

K: Correct. Rain, snow. I like it all. Except extreme heat. Or too much sun.

M: True. Don’t want sweaty armpits.

K: Or crappy pics from too much sun.

M: You crazy! Sun is mucho good for pics!

K: Maybe your pics.

M: I’ll give you lessons. Help you improve your photography game a couple notches.

K: I’ll take your sun lessons.

M: Okay, that’s a good rookie lesson to take. So buss it….every bench in Toronto suddenly vanishes. Do you go into deep depression?

K: Nah. I’ve got enough in my camera roll to last me years.

M: Ahh. Smart cookie. So when did you first realize that you have a bench fetish?

K: It was another IGer who brought it out.

M: Oh, word? So there’s a bench appreciation posse?

K: My friend from Israel took some amazing fisheye bench shots and I knew I had to take some of my own. I had no idea there were so many. I guess I’ve always taken benches for granted.

M: True. I take benches for granted too yo. That and sidewalks. And stop signs. And grass. And all kinds of other shit.

K: I have a tummy ache from Jujubes.

M: You went on a Jujube binge? That’s what you get. Okay focus here, do you feel you’ve perfected your craft? Is Kael a beast when it comes to iPhoneography?

K: No way. I have no idea what I’m doing.

M: Yeah. You definitely need lessons. See me next time you happen to be in Newark.

K: Haha. Our styles are very different.

M: Doesn’t matter. Just watching me take pics will improve your performance. Dramatically.

K: You can give me some editing lessons.

M: Maybe. I’ll think about it. Okay, so ….shaved and penciled-in eyebrows. Your stance on that?

K: Not down. Shaped for sure.

M: Besides Instagram, what’s your drug?

K: Sugar.

M: Valetine’s Day dinner at White Castles. Romantic?

K: I’m a Valentine’s Day grinch. I don’t believe you should need a holiday to take your sweetie out for dinner. Gifts everyday please!

M: Damn greedy ass women.

K: Haha. Giving presents everyday too of course.

M: Alright, some fancy artsy venue wants to feature your work. What would the exhibit be called?

K: Hmmm. Thats’ a tough one. You’d think I’d have one picked out.

M: Eat a couple more Jujis. Maybe them shits will help you think.

K: No more Jujis. Ok. I’d call it Sugar City.

M: Surprise, surprise. Okay, one of the greatest pieces of advice you’ve ever received?

K: Jump and the net will appear. Actually I think it was leap. That sounds better.

M: Okay, I can dig it. So, you happen to walk up to an empty garbage can and notice a huge rat stuck at the bottom trying to jump out unsuccessfully. Do you tip over the can and let it free? Or do you throw the lid on?

K: Haha. If I ever found myself in that situation, which is unlikely, I think I’d keep walking. Is that horrible? Can it be a cute puppy? I’d do anything to help a puppy.

M: No. Did I say cute puppy? A rat yo. I’d throw the lid on that shit and keep it moving.

K: Haha! But you wouldn’t even save your pet from a burning building.

M: Exactly. That’s why I’d throw the lid on that fucker. To spare anyone else from being scared by the jumping rat.

K: You’re a man of the people.

M: I know. That’s how I roll. Okay, best astrology sign ever?

K: Um. What do you think I’m gonna say?

M: I don’t know but if it’s not Gemini I don’t really give a shit. Let’s  talk about your pics.

K: Ok.

M: Soo, this big ass castle-looking thing. What the hell is it?

K: It’s Casa Loma. I don’t know any history behind it. It’s amazing on the outside. The grounds are fantastic. I should probably learn more about Toronto’s history.

M: Uh, you think? You’re only like one of it’s most prominent mobile photographers. Learn yo. Okay, so this Fisheye lens….without it, photography just isn’t the same?

K: Not for me.

M: Without it you’d quit shooting?

K: I’d still take photos but it wouldn’t be the same. I have two spares just in case.

M: One can never be too sure, huh?

K: Once I find something I like, I’m not likely to give it up.

M: If you could be a man for one day, who would it be?

K: Roger Federer. But it would have to be a day he won a grand slam final.

M: Tennis nerd.

K: Guilty.

M: Best cereal ever?

K: American Special K.

M: Yeah, I never had Canadian Special K but I’m pretty sure it sucks. Okay, in your humble opinion, who’s the greatest mobile photographer of all time?

K: You are of course.

M: Wow. You really are as smart as you look. Okay, typical breakfast? I mean, besides Juji Fruit.

K: Toast and old cheddar.

M: You serious? Sounds like something served at nursing homes.

K: Hahahaha! I’m an old lady. I wish it was pancakes though.

M: So make pancakes then. Even a Canadian can’t fuck that up.

K: It’s not that. I’m lazy.

M: Lazy ass. 80s TV shows. Which one would you like to see turned into a movie?

K: WKRP.

M: Ahh. I used to watch that all the time. That and a bunch of rerun shit.

K: I loved 80s TV a lot.

M: Same here yo. How about cartoons? Did you shed a tear when Optimus Prime died in the cartoon movie back then?

K: I wasn’t really into Transformers.

M: What?! This interview is over.

K: Haha. I loved WWF though.

M: Who was your favorite wrestler?

K: Macho Man.

M: Word! I loved how he talked. Straining his neck and shit.

K: That’s why I loved him.

M: Okay, so….watching Lord of the Rings marathon or losing a limb? Which is the worst suffering?

K: Don’t be an ass. Lord of the Rings is dear to my heart.

M: Oh touchy. Fine. Shrek or Gollum? Who would you sleep with?

K: What the?

M: For just one night. Let’s say it was for a worthy cause. Um, to help save cute puppies.

K: Gross.

M: Fine. Bugs Bunny or Daffy.

K: Daffy for sure.

M: Good choice. Cause ducks know how to dunk their heads below. Bugs Bunny would probably do some serious damage with them big ‘ol chompers.

K: And he’s too goofy. He’d wanna get a carrot involved.

M: Bwahahaha! Okay, so buss it…..a crack team of elite mobile photographers are being assembled to document life on a newly constructed moon base and they want Toronto’s finest to be part of it. Do you accept?

K: No thanks. It would be super boring up there.

M: But they’d have benches yo. Benches out the wazoo. And you could fisheye the fuck outta some moon craters.

K: True. And the sky would be intense. Would there be candy?

M: Yes. Millions of Jujis and all kinds of other delicious gummy looking shit.

K: Okay. I’m in.

M: Time machine. Forward or back? And where?

K: Back. I want to hang with the Fitzgeralds. In a ’67 Impala.

M: Ah. That’s pimpish. I can dig it. Favorite Michael Jackson song?

K: Human Nature.

M: Nice. Most entertaining app on your phone other than Instagram?

K: Draw Something. And it’s the shit on iPad.

M: I bet. Okay, I think I asked you buko amounts of questions. How’s about we wrap this up? Got any shoutouts? Any baby daddies or special people?

K: Haha. All my special peeps know who they are.

M: Well said. Thanks for the supreme interview, Kael. But before we go, you up for answering a question that’s never been asked before?

K: Sure.

M: Okay, what are your go-to editing apps and your typical editing process?

K: Um.

M: Bwhahaha. I’m kidding. That question has been run to ground, beat, mutilated and used the fuck up worse than a 5 cent hooker on death row.

K: Good. And really, who cares?

M: True indeed. Alright yo. I got fried chicken to make. Gotta run. Be good. Peace yo.

K: Peace.

M: No, say Peace yo.

K: Peace yo.

M: Yeah, cause this interview wouldn’t be right if it didn’t end with yo.

K: Nice yo.

Check out Kael over on Instagram @punkodelish

Juxt thanks you for your art and your words.